Mike: Will You Dominate Me?

Wow, you are something.

Thanks.

Hey, can I ask you something? Uh, yeah.

What's up? The next time we do this,

um, will you dominate me?

Oh,

wow.

Um, what exactly do you mean by that?

Dominate you.

I want you to be in charge.

Oh, okay.

Uh, I mean, we just met. Yeah. Yeah. And

I don't know. I was sort of thinking

this would be more like a fun casual

thing,

which is why I thought it'd be fun for

you to casually beat me up.

What? Just rough me up a little bit.

Yeah. I don't know. I I know some people

are super into that, like the

physicality and like the roughness.

Sure. I'm just never going to be one of

those people, you know?

Okay, I figured. Like you could always

just hire a dominatrix or something.

That's a good idea. Thanks, princess.

So, just to be clear, you will not

dominate me. Okay, we're still doing

this. One little whack. A quick jab to

the man. I'm not going to do that.

Shaquille O'Neal, early 2000s, just

bully ball, okay? Drive me into the post

and just don't be afraid to throw the

elbows. Oh my god. No. I That's what I

do with my hookups. They hit me. Look, I

respect that that's like something

you're into and that's like a fantasy of

yours, okay? But I'm not I'm not going

to dominate you. I am not going to punch

you in the face. I'm I'm just not.

You want to strangle me? Kick me in the

ribs, pull my hair, and knee myself.

What is wrong with you? Okay. Are you

going through any trauma in your life

right now? What? Take it out on me. You

see what I'm saying? Like, I don't want

to do that. I want you to go into my

kitchen and I want you to grab a frying

pan and I want you to give me a

concussion. What's fun and casual about

me giving you a concussion? I just want

you to slap me around. Just make me your

little [ __ ] Daddy's going to be crying

and begging for his little girl to just

give him one more thumb. That's

disgusting. What do you say? You and me.

It's not for me. Give me a black eye.

It's just not for me. Put me in a

stretcher. Okay. You beautiful little

delicate flower. Yeah, you're a flower.

You're my little princess. That's what

you are. And you know what princesses

do? They fight. They defend the castle.

I'm Bowser and I'm coming. And I want

you to Yeah. Throw a shell at me. You

want me to throw a shell at you? Like

just [ __ ] me up, sister. I don't know

how we got here. Just shut up and hit

me. Don't make me ask again. Just Oh,

just

m What's wrong? What's wrong? Did I say

something? Why are you being weird? What

did I say? Wait, what did I say? Where

is this coming from? I thought this was

like a fun casual thing. What about me

hurting you? It's fun and casual. That's

the thing, princess. It ain't going to

hurt. Okay, cuz you small and I'm big.

You're like 5'9", dude. This is just

getting me worked up just talking about

it. Will you just swing at me? You're

insane. Just one. I don't understand

what it is about men that the second you

get to know them, they turn into freaks.

Baby girl, just one. But you are

literally deranged. Like, you need help.

This is classic projection. I don't need

help. You need Am I projecting? What are

we talking about? Yes, I knew when we

signed up to do this. I knew you had

your issues, but like you don't have to

take them out on me. What are you

talking about? Like, it's not my fault

you forgot to take your medication

today. I'm not on medication. Nicole,

you're cute and everything. I'll give

you that, but like I'm not going to be

gaslit into not being punched. That

doesn't even make sense. I thought I

could have fun, like casual fun with

your dumb ass while I waited for someone

better to come on. Honestly, you are so

out of your mind that I would rather

never speak to you again. Are you not

turned on right now? You have the

intelligence level of a desk, Mike.

Thank you. And honestly, the fact that I

even stayed the night here twice has me

rethinking my entire life. Have a nice

life, Mike. I'm going to leave. Wait,

why are you leaving? This one's on the

house. There's my princess. Oh, [ __ ]

Yes. Oh, Brad, she did it, man. She

dominated me. This one's a freaky one.

Ow, man. But I just