I Asked for a HAPPY ENDING

Nothing could have made that massage

more relaxing.

>> Yeah, I mean, I could have done without

your grunts echoing through the paper

thin walls, but for 50 bucks, I'll take

it.

>> It's called a release. What do you

expect?

>> I don't know. Common courtesy. Sounded

like you were in there with Natalie.

>> No.

>> I mean, yeah.

>> Oh my god. Ew. Oh, I heard you. Oh my

god. Ew. Is that why you picked that

place?

>> Uh, you picked that place. All right.

Not like it matters. They all do it.

Well, all the places with the word Thai

in the business name. It's a cultural

thing. It's the style of massage.

>> I have gotten hundreds of Thai massages

and never once have I been offered a

happy ending. Okay.

>> God, I am so upset right now.

>> Okay. All right. That's that's sweet. I

appreciate that you're upset for me, but

you don't need to be. I feel great.

Super clearheaded, very chill.

>> I'm not upset for you. I'm upset because

we paid the same price and you got an

additional service.

>> Is this a bit? Are you actually mad that

you didn't get a happy ending? That's

super weird, dude.

>> Oh, so now it's weird. I thought it was

a cultural thing.

>> When it's a guy, it's a cultural thing.

When it's a girl, it's a felony.

>> If we're paying the same amount, I

expect the same treatment. As a matter

of fact, I'm going to go back there

tomorrow and I'm going to demand one.

>> Are you [ __ ] kidding me, Christopher

Hansen? Do you know what will happen if

you demand a happy ending?

>> Yes, a happy ending.

>> A criminal record. I'm telling you, this

is a bad idea.

>> Okay, I'm not going to like demand it.

I'll be subtle.

>> This is crazy. You're You're being

crazy.

>> You know, that is exactly what they said

to Gandhi when he was telling people

about his mission to get justice.

>> Okay, Gandhi leading a peaceful protest

and you demanding a happy ending from a

massage parlor are two very different

things.

>> The people who think they are crazy

enough to change the world are the ones

who do. Steve Jobs.

>> You have the right to remain silent.

You're arresting officer.

[Applause]

>> Hi, I'm Jane. I'm going be taking care

of you today.

>> Yes, you will be.

>> Okay. How are you feeling? Honestly, I

feel really relieved that you are a

woman.

>> Yeah, the whole thing is very

vulnerable. That's why we have female

massuses.

>> Yes,

>> we do this all the time.

>> Really?

>> Oh, yeah.

>> I heard that, but I guess I just I

didn't believe it.

>> Uh before I go wash up, is there

anything else I should know?

>> Uh

yeah. Um,

I guess while we're on the topic, um,

I've never actually

been with a woman before. You know, it's

not that I haven't thought about it.

>> Don't worry. I I felt the same way the

first time I tried a woman, but now I

won't even let a man touch me.

>> Really?

>> Absolutely.

>> It's much more pleasurable.

>> You know, there's a common misconception

that men are much better at this, but

women understand each other's bodies. We

know what to touch, how hard or soft to

touch it.

>> You know, that makes so much sense.

>> I'm excited for you to tell me how you

feel after this.

>> I may be the only person you let touch

you.

Hot.

>> All right. Well, um, anything else?

Anything you want me to focus on? Let's

>> just cut to the chase. Um, if you could

just start with like the end part, that

would be that would be really good.

Which part? Um, well, it's just that uh

when I came in yesterday, I didn't like

ask for, you know, whatever it is you

guys do at the end, so I didn't like get

the whole, you know, experience.

So, Oh, I see. Yes. Okay, good. If we

could just start with the ending, that

would make me happy.

>> Oh, don't worry. People ask for this all

the time.

>> Really? They do.

>> Oh, yeah. People come in here so pent

up. They get that release out. Helps

them relax for the rest of the massage.

>> Yes. Yes. Um Okay. Yeah. Let's Let's do

it. I'm ready. Let's

>> All right. I'm going to go uh wash up

and then I'll be back in. And since

we're starting with the ending, please

undress and lie face up.

>> You don't have to tell me twice.

>> All righty.

Ready?

[ __ ] yeah.

>> Oh my god. What the [ __ ] are you doing?

>> What do you What? What do you mean? You

said that we were going to start with

the ending.

>> Ending? The ending is hot stones and a

nifty compression. No, the ending is

happy.

>> What is wrong with you? Get out.

>> No. I came in here yesterday with my

friend and he got a happy ending and I

did not. Now, we paid the same price.

So, unless you give me a discount, I

demand a happy ending.

>> How's this for a happy ending?

>> Hi.

>> Hi.

>> Don't you want to know what happened to

my eye?

>> Oh, I know.

Everybody knows.

>> Happy ending. And I did not. Now, we

paid the same price. So unless you give

me a discount, I demand a happy ending.

>> How's this for a happy ending?

>> Oh, that's so bad.

Shut up and sit